Dear Parents:

We all know many coaches can be better at how they plan and utilize team practice time. But let’s make sure we are clear about something, your athletes development is not solely on them. In fact, they are just a small piece. To blame them for your athletes lack of production, is a big mistake. Before even second guessing your athletes coaches, answer these questions:

• How much does your athlete really love their sport(s)?
• How much time do they spend on their own daily/weekly practicing their sport(s)?
• What is their attitude like when with their team and things aren’t going well?
• Are they a good teammate?
• How’s their focus?
• Are they able to apply what they are learning (aptitude)?
• Are they in the right situation and level or team for their ability level?
• Are they accountable for their mistakes or do they have a habit of blaming and excuse making?

Parents, YOU are a major part of their development. Great coaches can make a huge difference for players BUT they are temporary. Your expectations must be realistic and understanding the requirements or growth are necessary. Check your athletes habits before anything else. If they are doing their part, be careful of looking elsewhere for reasons before looking at home first.

Chris Gissell (172 Posts)

Founder of Baseball Dudes. Blessed with three beautiful children and an amazing wife. Baseball is my life, after my family, and I love sharing what I have learned from it. Thanks for taking the time to view what we offer here at Baseball Dudes.

1. Control your emotions. Be a consistent example of mental stability. Show them how to properly respond when things don’t go our way. They will be able to get the most out of their skills when they are mentally in control.

2. Support them away from their team. All players should practice their sport on their own time. They will always have more time away from their team to get better than they will while with them. Help them develop this great habit. Help them learn to take their development into their own hands.

3. Be realistic. Put them in a position to thrive. We want them to get better but just because we want them to be ready for a certain level doesn’t always mean they are ready for that level. Just because that’s where their friends are doesn’t mean it’s the right place for them at that moment.

4. Don’t allow excuses and blaming. The longer they do this the longer they will stunt their own growth. Teach them the difference between the controllable’s and the un-controllable’s. Their attitude, effort, energy and focus.

5. Think twice about your conversations. What are you allowing? What are you participating in? What are you instigating? The tone, the message, the impact. Know this too, sometimes the best thing we can say is nothing at all. Silence is okay!

6. Sports are hard. If you played while you were younger, keep perspective on how hard it was. If you never did, I suggest you go out there and practice with them. Try doing everything they are trying to do.

7. Slow down!! It’s a process. They all grow at different rates. Support them, encourage them, motivate them and help them be their best but be careful of comparing them to their peers. The process and journey is different for all. Some are early bloomers while many are late bloomers. The most important years for an athletes performance don’t even happen until after puberity kicks in and again, that even hits at different ages.

8. Look for leaders. Place them in front of those who are great people. People who will help instill the same values you are trying to teach them at home. Raising children is hard. Never underestimate the power of outside voices.

9. Youth sports has a way of becoming a toxic enviornment. From gossip about other players to coach bashing to berating and belittling officials. Don’t be a part of it. Don’t get sucked into the emotions of it. If you want these years to be as enjoyable as possible, beware of the nonsense and stay away from it.

10. Please don’t ever let sports come between you are your child(ren). Don’t let your attitude about their performance cause strain in your relationship. This game is a temporary phase in their life and meant to be enjoyable. Your relationship is forever. Nurture it now to have for life.

Chris Gissell (172 Posts)

Founder of Baseball Dudes. Blessed with three beautiful children and an amazing wife. Baseball is my life, after my family, and I love sharing what I have learned from it. Thanks for taking the time to view what we offer here at Baseball Dudes.

Everything happens the exact way it’s meant to happen.

I spent the first 6 years of my career working my way up the Cubs minor league system finally reaching AAA in that 6th season. I was 23 years old at the time and one step away from the big leagues. They asked me to return for a 7th season but I was now a minor league free agent so I chose to give another organization a shot.

That off season I signed with the Astros but was let go with a few days left in minor league spring training. Through contacts I ended up signing with the Rockies a few days later and was assigned to their AAA team and made it there for opening day. This was when I met the coach whose approach would change my career and life. I learned more that year than I remember in all the years prior. I do believe timing and maturity played a part in that. I went on to have the best year of my career but still no call from the big league team.

After the season I became a free agent again and signed with the Giants. I went with their AAA team to start the season but was once again let go before the season even started. I spent the next month at home waiting for the next opportunity which ended up coming from my former organization, the Rockies. Within a week I was back with their AAA team and somehow ended up having an even better season than the one before. I finished that season in the big leagues where I ended up with “45 days” of MLB service time.

That’s not a substantial number in comparison to many of the guys I got to play with and compete against but it was life changing and the result of patience and a lot of work.

After that season they did not offer me a contract making me a free agent once again. That winter the Cardinals called and the next season I was assigned to their AAA team and went on to have a strong season, was in the top 5 in the league in multiple categories and the starting pitcher for the all star game. Though most likely deserved, no call came from the big league team that year either.

That winter came a call we never expected. An offer from a team in Japan. After weeks of negotiation, we agreed on life changing terms. I spent the next two years playing for the Seibu Lions of Japans version of our Major Leagues. What an experience!

After those two years I played for two more seasons, won the AAA championship with the Sacramento Rivercats (then AAA for the Athletics) and walked away on my terms.

Though my career didn’t play out as I thought and hoped it would it played out exactly how it was suppose to. From the phone calls that didn’t come to the days where I was the worst player on the field to the moments I got to spend with men who were true leaders and pioneers in the game, I’ll forever be grateful for those 45 days but even more thankful for what those 14 years gave me.

Life challenges us all in different ways. Take it all in, be in the moment and trust the process.

Chris Gissell (172 Posts)

Founder of Baseball Dudes. Blessed with three beautiful children and an amazing wife. Baseball is my life, after my family, and I love sharing what I have learned from it. Thanks for taking the time to view what we offer here at Baseball Dudes.

No matter what level we are coaching at, we are developing minds. We are developing attitudes. We are teaching right from wrong. We are their leader and we are preparing them for life.

Having worked with, coached and trained, players ranging from 4 years old to 30 year old professionals, there’s one common theme with all of them. They need confidence. They will not be able to perform to their potential if they don’t have it. They need to believe and it’s hard to believe when they don’t have the support of those around them. Those being their teammates, coaches, parents, teachers, siblings, friends, etc.

The psyche is a fragile thing. When it breaks, by the players doing or by outside actions, the toughest part can often be putting it back together. This is where great leadership comes in. Just as a moment of poorly timed criticism can break a spirit, a moment of perfectly timed faith and uplifting words can bring ones attitude from the bottom to the top.

Strong leadership understands the levels of mental toughness. They understand and never forget how tough this game is. Quality leadership will never raise it’s voice out of anger to make them feel better but will only raise their voice in a motivating manner. That is leadership. That is looking to bring the confidence out in everyone and not trying to make them feel bad for their shortcomings.

Berating, belittling, putting down, demoralizing, showing up and calling out does no good for anyone. All it will do is instill fear, hatred, anger and break trust. It can break a team. This is poor leadership and can shatter the one thing they need most, their confidence.

Good Leadership is compassionate. Strong Leadership speaks the truth, even when it’s hard to hear, but will always give a solution. Quality Leadership has trust where poor leadership will struggle to keep it. Great Leadership can relate to different ages and is never biased towards talent and ability. Servant Leadership speaks with confidence to build confidence in those around them and knows the impact their words can have in a moment of failure.
Confidence is key to success on and off the field.

BUILD THEM UP…NEVER PUT THEM DOWN.

Chris Gissell (172 Posts)

Founder of Baseball Dudes. Blessed with three beautiful children and an amazing wife. Baseball is my life, after my family, and I love sharing what I have learned from it. Thanks for taking the time to view what we offer here at Baseball Dudes.

Truth is, as coaches and teachers, we will most likely never become permanent fixtures in our players and students lives. Some we may meet once while others we may get to spend years in front of but bottom line, we are not permanent.

With that said, we should always be striving to make a permanent impact. We should always be leading by example. We should always have a vision for preparing them for THEIR future. We should ALWAYS be making our decisions based on what will give them the best possible chance for success as they maneuver through life.

Here are a few ways to ensure you leave a positive, and hopefully permanent, impact on those young developing minds looking up at you…

Perseverance:
Adversity is, and will always be, a fixture in life. Using this game to help them learn how to handle it is an invaluable lesson that can be worked on nearly every day. They will fail out there. They will have bad days. They will have poor attitudes. Help them learn from these mistakes, how to remain in control when they occur and give them opportunity to redeem themselves. When a child learns to move on from failure in one moment and then recover a moment later and succeed, that’s where exponential growth happens. Help them learn how to believe and be confident when everything around them is telling them to not be.

Humility:
Be confident, not arrogant. The game is easy for some, especially when they are younger. Confidence often gets so high that when the failure inevitably hits, many of those ultra talented will fail at failure simply because they have never been challenged by it. Praise and rehearse success while always preparing how to mentally handle failure. When we think, and act like, we are bigger than the game, we are doomed. Help them learn from each others victories and each others mistakes. Prepare them as a whole for the ups and downs of this game and life.

Respect:
Your handshake, how you relate to the umpires, how you react in moments of failure, how you treat them…ALL OF THEM. These are all examples that you will show on a daily basis when around them. They know we are watching them but we must never forget that they are watching us too. At the end of the day a question we should always be asking ourselves is “Did we lead by example?” We strive to develop respectful people and the best way to do that is to be a respectful human being ourselves.

Integrity:
To be trustworthy, reliable and someone others look to for truth. Unfortunately, they will come across many people in their lives who they will come to learn simply say what they think others want to hear so they can get what they desire. Take it upon yourself to help them learn about this. Don’t allow them to give you an answer that you know is not true but is said because they think it’s what you want to hear. Help them stay away from developing this habit. Help them understand what it means to be a person of their word. To keep commitments. To be honest.

Selflessness:
Acts of kindness, putting the needs of others first. Finding ways to give back and bringing focus to the team. Teach them to lift one another up, to give their best at all times because that is what their team needs. Never allow selfish behavior and if it persists, it’s time for a break (on the bench) no matter their talent. Great leaders are always looking to create more leaders and great leaders understand the importance of WE and not ME. Selfishness should always be replaced with lessons of Selflessness.

Professionalism:
How we handle ourselves. How we dress. How we walk. How we win. How we lose. How we handle adversity. How we talk to them, the officials, their parents and their opponents. Our language and OUR BODY LANGUAGE. Developing quality, and trustworthy, people starts from day one. No matter their age, be the example they will need for long term success. One day they will be a professional at something so find ways to help them create habits that will make that transition a little easier.

This is a game, keep it fun, keep it loose but ALWAYS remember that there are developing minds and bodies standing before us that are learning how to live. Learning how to be an adult. Developing habits that will carry them through life. If you keep this in perspective, you WILL be the example they need.

Just because we may be TEMPORARY, that doesn’t mean we can’t make a positive PERMANENT impact. Every decision and choice we make needs to be forward focused with being an example in mind. Relentless Leadership leads to positive habits.

Chris Gissell (172 Posts)

Founder of Baseball Dudes. Blessed with three beautiful children and an amazing wife. Baseball is my life, after my family, and I love sharing what I have learned from it. Thanks for taking the time to view what we offer here at Baseball Dudes.

– Knowing that the best team doesn’t always win, but the team that plays the best that day, did.
– Knowing that it’s OK to lose, strike out, make an error or get knocked around on the mound (as long as you learn from it).
– Picking up a teammate that had a bad game (or didn’t get in) and sharing a similar past experience.
– Leading by example with quality attitude & effort.
– Giving credit to your teammates for their effort on the field, even when you were a big part of the win.
– Not talking about how good you think you are, but letting your performance prove it.
– When you beat another team and they talk highly of you.
– When umpires and other teams are happy to see you succeed because of the type of person and team(mate) you are.
– Respecting everyone.
– Sincerely shaking hands with the umpires after the game, even when they make mistakes that may have cost your team the game.
– Keeping your composure when you are pitching a no hitter.
– Keeping your composure when you are getting smacked all over the field and walking batters.
– Staying positive when your team is about to lose.
– Showing class regardless of the outcome.
– Jogging around the bases at a good pace when hitting one out of the park.
– Not showing someone up because they make an error or strikeout in a big situation.
– Never making excuses, blaming coaches, teammates, the mound, umpires, the ball, fans, etc, even if it may have been their fault.
– Being sincere while going through the sportsmanship line after the game.
– The joy of competing, not just winning.
– Never complaining.
– Showing compassion when a teammate makes an error and having a mindset of wanting to personally be better and help pick the team up.
– Feeling great after playing well and winning OR losing to a better team 2-1.
– What you can give to your team, not what your team can give to you.
– Respecting your opponents, even when they aren’t showing respect to you and your team, because it’s the right way to act. Be the better person.

It’s NOT poor language, playing dirty, running up the score, disrespecting the umpires, delaying the game on purpose, standing at home plate or walking up the line when smashing a home run, bat flips, staring down the hitter after striking them out, staring down the umpire when you think he made a mistake, yelling at the umpire from the dugout or the stands, yelling at your opponents from the dugout to distract and embarrass them or pouting when you fail but wanting to be everyones friend when you see success.

Chris Gissell (172 Posts)

Founder of Baseball Dudes. Blessed with three beautiful children and an amazing wife. Baseball is my life, after my family, and I love sharing what I have learned from it. Thanks for taking the time to view what we offer here at Baseball Dudes.

Had a conversation with a friend recently who wanted to share his situation and was looking for some advice. We have actually spoke on this topic often before and he has read most of what I have written on it. It’s that topic that seems to always be an issue of concern amongst the adults. Playing time and what’s deserving of it.

As the convo went on and he explained his current situation, the topic came up of when do they, the players, need to start realizing that their ability and performance will be what determines how much, if any, time they will see on the field? At what age? Who helps them become aware of this truth?

Such a sensitive topic. You have two sides to this with the adults opinions and emotions being so deeply involved in this kids game.

One side is of the families of the players who have the ability, never see the bench which often comes with adults who want to win so badly, often more than their kids even care, and routinely fail to even notice the kids who are constantly on the bench, whose development is being ignored leading to passion and love for the game to diminish. And the other side is the families of those kids who are being left behind because they are late developers and the adults have deemed them not good enough or deserving of opportunity and the emotions that come with seeing their childs self esteem deteriorate before their eyes.

Parents are often blind to what is going on with anyone else besides their own child. That’s just human nature. I refer to it as being “Blinded by Love.” Thinking your kid is Gods gift to the game when in reality their talent is currently no different then many others. Not SEEING the big picture of a team and how you make 12-15 pieces fit as they only see 1. A parent/coach being so much in their own world and believing the team revolves around their kid who they continually put ahead of all of the other players on the team even though, again, their talent is no better than many others on the TEAM. Or on the flip side, a coach being infatuated with talent and obsessed with the “W” that they focus so much on results and continually fail to recognize those who need them, and Opportunity, the most.

I could go on and on with that topic but you get the point. Love is blinding and when we lose sight of the big picture and fail to see everything and everyone in front of us, we will without a doubt miss something.

So when is the right time? When should the game go from everyone getting opportunity to performance earning opportunity? For me it seems around the early teen years is a good time. This is also when they meet the big field. This is when the game will weed out many who won’t see the same success. Be it because they physically haven’t developed yet and are simply too weak for those dimensions or they are being coached by someone other than Dad now and aren’t getting the same opportunity which reveals their true love for the game or life is changing and they just don’t enjoy the game the way they used to.

My message to him was that in a perfect world, the game weeds them out. The game has become bigger than their talent and their heart and they simply can’t produce consistently. Many youth ball players never become HS ball players and for me it should be their talent and level of determination which decides that, not by someone two or three times their size and four times their age.

With that said, there needs to be someone in their lives who helps them understand this reality. The tricky part though is that someone, coach or parent, having feel for reality. Not being “Blinded by Love” and helping the player understand that the higher you get in this game and in life you will need to perform to see opportunity and you will have to keep performing to keep seeing consistent opportunity. Again, for me, this is a convo that should happen around twelve to maybe fourteen years old. I’m sure there are many who see that as too late but again, this is where I am at.

How I got here: I played with guys who were late draft picks who battled and proved themselves to become big leaguers while seeing guys who were what we call a “can’t miss talent” who simply couldn’t make it on the higher stage. I coached players who were the 25th man on the roster who are now star big leaguers and guys who received multi million dollar signing bonuses who never proved deserving of a gift like that. I’ve trained kids who were absolute stud youth players who never played above HS ball and I’ve trained kids whose deliveries and swings were so off that you would think there is no way they will make it on the big field yet they turned into college athletes. The point is, YOU NEVER KNOW! We are not God and we do not know what they will be like next month, next year or five years from now. Too often we become so obsessed with NOW that we forget this is all just a small piece to a bigger picture. Our job is to teach them, all of them, and help them figure this thing out. Honestly, it’s not about us adults. In no way is it about us. Many out there need to be much more careful, slow it down, and think twice about the choices they are making. Think about the team AND each individual. Remember that 20 years from now they will most likely not remember any of these moments, wins or loses, but the opportunities that they are given, or the ones that are taken away, WILL be what helps mold them into the person they will one day be.

Bottom line, I think it’s ALWAYS important to remember that for growth in anything opportunity is needed. And when you completely take away opportunity, no matter the age, there will be ZERO growth. Until you get to the big leagues it should always be about development. How can we help THEM get better? How can we prepare them for the next level? What do we need to do to make sure they grow physically and mentally as an athlete AND as a person?

Chris Gissell (172 Posts)

Founder of Baseball Dudes. Blessed with three beautiful children and an amazing wife. Baseball is my life, after my family, and I love sharing what I have learned from it. Thanks for taking the time to view what we offer here at Baseball Dudes.